In the midst of the heat and chaos; in the midst of the inevitable collapse; in the midst of the impending doom; all that was needed was some time away from the group. That was hard. We were together 24/7. Wake up, we’re together, sleep. Wake up, we’re together, sleep. That was the constant cycle of this trip. You can maybe even say that that was a catalyst to the explosion… it wasn’t, at least not the main one. We had no way of being away from the group for so long. It seemed impossible. But we needed time to destress and relax. We needed time to collect our thoughts. We needed time to escape from the tension and speak our mind and thoughts. It was a trip to remember and oh boy, did we have a lot to discuss.
Mike and I were already conflicted with the recent events that had been going on. It was clear as day that there was a lot of information to process and unpack. Usually, we would have deep conversations that would last until 3 AM back in Austin. Those were always my favorite. I also always had this dream of sitting outside on a fire escape like you see in movies. I thought that looked so cool. Because this trip was the last thing on my schedule before my long break in Ohio, I imagined it would be a nice little last 3 AM conversation hoorah. At least for a while. And as I’m laying here in bed 6 weeks into my internship here in Ohio, I can’t help but think of how much I miss these conversations. On the bright side, and also not so bright side, this summer is going by rather quickly.
We talked… and talked… and talked… until there were no more words to find. I sat on the steps of the fire escape stairs while he sat on the window ledge. It was nice. Chilly, but nice. I remember at some point looking down at the street and hearing a guy scream out loud. Another guy singing his heart out. It was definitely an interesting area to be in. For context, the hostel that we stayed at in San Francisco was right next to the tenderloin district. Online, it states that this is probably the most dangerous district in the city. At some point, we talked about taking a hike around the block we were at. I immediately turned that down.
We also got the chance to speak our minds without the whole group being there to listen. It was necessary. From the moment the trip started to this point, something wrong was clearly there. And in this writing, I find myself wishing I was more aware of that instead of trying my best to advocate for the wrong person. I wanted to find the silver lining. I wanted so hard for things to be okay. They were not.
In light, I still enjoyed the conversation we shared. It was fun getting the chance to have another late 3 AM conversation before leaving for Ohio, especially with it being on a fire escape in San Francisco. I still think about that memory and all the other fun experiences we had on this trip and wish things did turn out differently. But what’s happened has happened. We live and we learn from all the good and bad experiences from this trip. In the end, some relationships were burned and some relationships reached new levels. It was the end of an era. It was the end of a long running battle. It was the end of a chapter in our lives. The only thing that we can do is look forward and think about the better people that we can be.
This is the third song in the Collapsed in California project giving an overview of what was discussed during this 3 AM conversation between Mike and I and how we felt in this moment of time in our trip. Again, this is one of the memories I like to look back at as it felt like a breather and escape from all the events that compiled. This next song is called 3 AM On a Fire Escape.
Chorus
Let it out and now
Messy all around
Figuring it out
Play it day by day