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I want to dedicate this space as a tucked-away archive for the messages I had left unsent, and the words I had left unsaid. The conversations left unfinished. The stories left unconcluded.
Throughout the fragmented moments of self-reflection, I realized that I had been unconsciously training myself to keep most of what I’ve ever been feeling locked up in my own worlds. Tucked away from the ears of judgement of familiar or stranger faces.
Recently, I had caught myself not being able to talk about my feelings outwardly in a coherent manner anymore. One of my friends had approached me with the age-old question of “How have you been?”, and I had never imagined that that would be something that would completely take me aback. I didn’t realize that I had not heard that question pose to me in a genuine and attentive manner in quite a while, and thus I just completely froze up, not knowing how to respond.
A significant reason why I started Fracture Labs in the first place was that I consistently felt like not that many people around me were able to return the favor and provide a listening ear, aside from them almost always entrusting me with their own emotional baggage and life stories. I needed a listener. A listener who was always ready for me to spew and rant and pour, unconditionally.
And so, I’m surprised I hadn’t decided to start this section sooner.
Maybe it would have helped with so much of the emotional baggage that I am forever carrying and holding to myself.
I anticipate that many of these, for the sake of privacy, would not be addressed to any directly-named individual, group, or occurrence. If you know, you know. If you are among those who know and you care enough about me to be reading around this region of the archived internet, I appreciate you. If you think you are among those who these were meant to be addressed for, I apologize for never being able to tell you these directly, and I appreciate you for taking the time to listen to my collected thoughts that I was never able to say out loud to you.
Maybe some day I’ll be brave enough to send this all out.
Maybe some day this listener can be the listened-to.
Maybe some day.